Yea you found me

2009-10-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

omg its been forever!!!! lets say that me and oliver are not liked imagined. my sister has now moved in with me and mom. dad is divorcing step mom and me and my sister love it. were so messed up in so many ways, and nobody is listening to me right now so that all good. but kinda depressing if im typing my life to you and for noting. were a family and thats something ill never be able to change.

im officially excited

2009-04-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

Im super excited!! they broke up. oliver and niki. ive been waiting for him all year. but then again i feel bad. i dont know if i should be happy for me cuz i have a chance, or sad for him because he really liked her. its hard to see someone i love and care for suffer, but at the same time im happy that he's back to the way he was when we first met. she changed him i swear. hes out going, still flirtatious, wanting to have fun. basically happy to be himself. ugh i wish that life and drama was made easier.

how do i explain

2009-04-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

lets start with Oliver. like every girl, i have a crush. well more than one, but he's my fav at the moment. we go to the same school and have at least half our classes together. i met him this year and immediately started falling for him. He's taller than me, black hair, mexican but extremely cute, speaks perfect english, and loves soccer. i never really understood that part though.

we started talking sept. 7. he sat behind me in my first class. i didnt like the smell of axe at the time so i told him that. im very out spoken when i want to be. he smiled and made fun of my purse. it was neon orange and everyone seemed to like it. everyone but him. but i didnt care. later on in class, he would like move my desk. i sat in the first one of the row. so every five mins, i stood up and moved it back.

later in the day he joined another class of mine. some science environment thing. we always had these experiments with partners. watching plants grow or how much blood goes through the heart. i was with my girl fiza and he was with jose. but we never stayed with our groups. flirting was much funner. oliver would like purposely walk in the middle of an aisle that i was standing in, just so he would have an excuse to touch my ass, and claim it as an accident.

in the halls however, he'd pop out of nowhere. so i had my personal stalker and his friends following me around. jose even decided to follow me into the bathroom. but thats no biggy. its jose, he's always hyper and crazy. i eventually learned his little game and played along.

long story short. i liked him the whole year. never dated. but were still like bffs so its okay. well more like friends with benefits when the girlfriends not around. she cares but he doesnt, so we just keep doing it. Friends are awesome, boyfriends can be overrated, and girlfriends who are snobs deserve to... im not gonna finsh that thought. but now you know.

lets talk sister

2009-04-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

my sister is my girl. shes seventeen, blonde, and drop dead gorgeous. when i first met her, she already had three kids. her first at thirteen, second fourteen, and her third last year. she gave them all up for adoption because in out family, were against abortion and her mom threw fits everytime. she says it was hard. even though her first was an accident, its always hard to give up your child. especially your first.

i met her right after she came back from florida. she started cutting one of the worst habbits to get into. i told her to stop but she wouldnt. her councilor wouldnt see her anymore. apparently she was too hard to fix. so she kinda went through an emo phase. shes still in it. she doesnt cut anymore thank god, but she still wants to sometimes. at night i used to hear her cry because of her past.

her story is worse than mine. she was raped a long time ago. thats how her first child came to be. she used to be molested all the time from my dad. i dont know how much more i can type about her. its still hard. even on a laptop. lol. shes just seen the world for what it is. much more than i thought she had. shes so young and has seen so much. its a scary thought to me, and her. shes my girl tho. she my babe. ive gotta take care of herr.

me and my sister are amazing together. people stop and stare at her at the mall. it used to confuse me but not anymore. shes misunderstood. shes got scars on her wrist and ppl run. but shes the nicest person you will ever meet. i trust her with my secrets. she knows my story better than my mom. she knows my fear of my dad and she has them too. she never leaves the house without a pin or knife on her. maybe thats over doing it but it gives her a piece of mind. i love her and always will. i go there for weekends sometimes but only for her.
i hope you dont see that as a bad thing. cuz shes my role model.

my story.

2009-04-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

i think eveyone has There Story. Mine starts like this. I was born 16 years ago. My parents divorced when i was five. i never knew why until last year. they always claimed money problems, well we both knew thats not the problem. use your imagination, i think youll find the reason.

he moved out, and i stayed with mom. shes amazing and one of my best friends. we talk about everything. part of the custody agreement stated that dad was able to visit at any time he chose. And at the beginning it worked out. hed come by after school and help the teachers. it was all good.
i got used to living like nothing changed. because to me bein a little girl, nothing had. well, not until 2007.

i was now eleven. dad picked me up and we went to the movies. "i want you to meet someone very special to me. we've been dating for a while, and i know you'll like her." i met her and she seemed okay. she was nice, polite, short like him, but overall very friendly. she reminded me of mom. alot like mom. things were smooth that night. the next week we did the samething again. with the chick too. it was just like the last time. very calm and laid back. but on the car ride home, "i hope you like her. im gonna marry her. hope thats okay" i didnt know wat to say. so i didnt say anything.

so here i am. eleven years old, living with mom, dad's remarrying, i have a step sister i never met before... things changed. i changed. me and my dad used to be close. like me and my mom now. but were not anymore. i hardly know him now. when i go with him for weekends, im scared. its like spending the night with a stranger you have to call "father". i honestly only go because of my step sister. (i call her 'sister' but shes really a 'step sister'). shes a whole other story.

so im sixteen now. my dad bought me a car. a black mustang to be exact. only because i said i didnt love him. and i dont. i dont know how to love someone i hardly know.